I have to admit, I've been in a bit of a funk of late. I can't pinpoint exactly what started it but I think it was a combination of finishing my other part time job (which I LOVED) to be left with libraryland as my only job, the endless task of rebuilding a greenhouse that is 16 foot by 10 foot large and more like a garage than a small building to warm your plants, the crappy pouring rain, and all round general blah-ness. Maybe one by one it wouldn't be too bad but all together? Funky.
Libraryland isn't awful. But it's not entirely great either. It feels very much like taking a massive step backwards, which wasn't my plan at all when leaving libraryland version 1. It's only 18.5 hours which means part time salary which is never really all that great. There are many other factors which don't need to be discussed on the internets that all go into me feeling not so great about it. I'm not alone in this feeling so a lot of conversations revolve around this, which is definitely not helping with the funk and again feels very much like being back where I was. I'm trying to have a word with myself everyday but so far...funky.
The greenhouse rebuild is something that we have to do. It's probably going to take the whole month. If it was glorious sunshine with the warmth beating on my back I might feel okay about it, but so far it's been chuffing freezing and I've been chilled to the bone! It's hard not to feel resentful about the time...but then I feel guilty and try to do the word thing with myself again...funky.
Crappy pouring rain? Ain't nothing we can do about that. April showers and all that jazz...funky.
All round general blah-ness? What I need is a holiday. Good job we have one booked then, ha! (not) funky.
But I'm here to say it's not all doom and gloom and funkiness. My faith was restored. By a 4 year old boy with the sweetest ginger hair no less. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a littles person, but this little ginger stole my heart. He came in to libraryland to ask for a book about leaves because he loves trees and nature (be still my heart!) I took him to the general location and found a couple of possible books and he immediately sat on the floor and asked me which book was the best. Nothing for it but to join him.
Both sat on the floor (with grandma comfortably on the chairs) we looked through the books talking about wriggly worms and how birds make nests in cacti and he picked out a couple that he liked the look of. Oh and have you got a book about pirates for my homework, he asked. Safely armed with his book loot I took him to the machines and helped him to issue his books. 'What do you say to the lady?' asked grandma. A shy thank you followed. I headed back to the desk and he followed along with me. 'What's your name?' he asked me so I told him. 'Thank you Claire' he replied and trotted off out the door with his carrier bag nearly hitting the floor, basically taking my heart with him. So. Cute!
Sometimes I guess you just need some wide eyed innocence to make you believe that you're doing a good job. Thanks little ginger, you helped this old cynic out of her mopey funk.