Anyone who's been around these parts for a while won't be too surprised to read that I find myself once again in a work funk. To be honest, it's probably more regular than it should be and I'm still trying to figure out why this is.
It's not you...
It's me...
I'm just not ready to commit...
Sound familiar? I honestly think these days that work funks are a thing for everyone. Working life in the 21st Century is tough. Your employers want everything from you and for very little in return. Right now I'm battling with several challenges at once but if I had to pick three they would be:
1) the job I was originally hired to do is no longer my job. I've been restructured. And in this restructure I was essentially pacified and patted on the back and told exactly what I needed to hear to be willing to go along for the ride. Turns out that gut instinct I had about it all going pete tong was definitely the right call.
2) they keep using the word "resource" to refer to people. This boils my blood and makes me want to rage. I'm not a flipping resource! I'm a person! With feelings. And right now, calling me a resource makes it feel like you no longer think of me as an actual human being. I'm a number. And that pretty much sucks.
3) I spend a lot of time sending emails asking how much it costs to print things. I'm pretty sure that in that whole restructure conversation (refer to number 1) I was told that to remain "creative" I would need to go down this route with you. And now I'm basically a glorified admin assistant. Which would be all fine if that's what I'd originally applied for. But it wasn't. And so here we are. Oh and yep, in case you were confused, printing costs does not equal creative. Nope, no, not at all.
If you sense anger from me you'd be pitching it about right. I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm tired and most of all I feel so let down. I genuinely LOVED that job when I first started. I was working in a great team, the job I was doing was exactly what I had always wanted to do, I was passionate, totally engaged and the number one ambassador.
Now I mainly want to move on. But I'm worried that if I move on I'll find myself in yet another honeymoon period that will end another two years down the line.
So my question has to be: is it bad to move on so frequently? Does two years even count as frequent? Back in ye golden olden days people stayed in jobs their whole lives. I honestly don't think that's a thing now, and the voice inside my head tells me that a two year stint is a good solid innings. What say you? Genuinely I would love to know.
Should I stay or should I go?
Should I wait it out and see if the work funk turns around on its head?
I'm a firm believer in following my gut instincts (they're pretty finely tuned after this many years and I have to say are rarely wrong) but this time I'm floundering around a bit. Mainly because I want to believe it will all be okay.
But I'm not sure it will be. Because it's not me this time. And that's where it gets very, very tricky.
Do you think it's time to make the break? Answers on a postcard...
Showing posts with label self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self. Show all posts
Tuesday, 31 July 2018
Monday, 18 June 2018
Discoveries...
1. The joy of a summer duvet...
I realise that what I am about to say is going to make me sound very, very old but have you discovered the joy of a summer duvet yet?! Oh my! This is a recent discovery to me and Dave and it is truly wondrous. Coming in at 4.5 tog, it's the lightest, most coolest way to sleep and it's just lush. No more waking up in the middle of the night, tangled up in the massive 13.5 tog layer of thickness of our former duvet, desperately trying to just get one foot out there so that you can cool off. Nope - the summer duvet is perfection and right now, it is life. No more words are needed. If you don't have one, go right out and get one now. Seriously, it WILL change your bedtime life!
2. David Beckham on Instagram...
The man is beautiful. Definitely falls into the category of "growing into his looks" Those wrinkles around his eyes...just oh! Did I mention he does Instagram Stories too? I'm smitten...as are the 47 million other people who follow him I reckon...
3. Looking up...
Blue skies? Red brick buildings? Few clouds dotted here and there? Quick, take a photo! I've always had a fondness for looking up but at the moment it's turning into a bit of an obsession and it's like I'm discovering Middlesbrough for the first time all over again. Have you ever actually looked up while you're wandering around there? The architecture is stunning! Heart eye emojis at the ready cos you're going to need them...
4. Call me by your name...
I know that I'm way late to the party for this one but I've finally got round to reading this book and to say I'm utterly charmed would be an understatement. You can almost *smell* the hazy summer sunshine. I'm only on to chapter three but I can feel that it's going to be memorable. (sidenote: my pile of books to take away on holiday is pretty large but there's a couple of brand new shiny ones in there so I might even do a review or two upon my return...)
5. Mellow yellow...
Last week I attended an Insights session all about colour analysis. Call it hoo-ey, call it science, honestly call it whatever you like, but I will never get over how flipping accurate that 18 page document was when describing me. I showed it to Dave and he howled his way through it, while secretly taking notes in the "how not to speak to Claire" section *chuckles* The biggest discovery for me was how much I loved doing the people watching. Don't get me wrong, there were moments when it was almost torturous to watch the people because of the nightmare they were going through (poor blues, my heart goes out to them) but it made me realise all over again how fascinated I am by body language and the unspoken words that people use to communicate. Maybe that whole thinking about Psychology as a career when I was 17 wasn't such a bad call after all...
Made any interesting discoveries lately? Do tell...
I realise that what I am about to say is going to make me sound very, very old but have you discovered the joy of a summer duvet yet?! Oh my! This is a recent discovery to me and Dave and it is truly wondrous. Coming in at 4.5 tog, it's the lightest, most coolest way to sleep and it's just lush. No more waking up in the middle of the night, tangled up in the massive 13.5 tog layer of thickness of our former duvet, desperately trying to just get one foot out there so that you can cool off. Nope - the summer duvet is perfection and right now, it is life. No more words are needed. If you don't have one, go right out and get one now. Seriously, it WILL change your bedtime life!
2. David Beckham on Instagram...
The man is beautiful. Definitely falls into the category of "growing into his looks" Those wrinkles around his eyes...just oh! Did I mention he does Instagram Stories too? I'm smitten...as are the 47 million other people who follow him I reckon...
3. Looking up...
Blue skies? Red brick buildings? Few clouds dotted here and there? Quick, take a photo! I've always had a fondness for looking up but at the moment it's turning into a bit of an obsession and it's like I'm discovering Middlesbrough for the first time all over again. Have you ever actually looked up while you're wandering around there? The architecture is stunning! Heart eye emojis at the ready cos you're going to need them...
4. Call me by your name...
I know that I'm way late to the party for this one but I've finally got round to reading this book and to say I'm utterly charmed would be an understatement. You can almost *smell* the hazy summer sunshine. I'm only on to chapter three but I can feel that it's going to be memorable. (sidenote: my pile of books to take away on holiday is pretty large but there's a couple of brand new shiny ones in there so I might even do a review or two upon my return...)
5. Mellow yellow...
Last week I attended an Insights session all about colour analysis. Call it hoo-ey, call it science, honestly call it whatever you like, but I will never get over how flipping accurate that 18 page document was when describing me. I showed it to Dave and he howled his way through it, while secretly taking notes in the "how not to speak to Claire" section *chuckles* The biggest discovery for me was how much I loved doing the people watching. Don't get me wrong, there were moments when it was almost torturous to watch the people because of the nightmare they were going through (poor blues, my heart goes out to them) but it made me realise all over again how fascinated I am by body language and the unspoken words that people use to communicate. Maybe that whole thinking about Psychology as a career when I was 17 wasn't such a bad call after all...
Made any interesting discoveries lately? Do tell...
Sunday, 6 May 2018
B U S Y ?
A couple of weeks ago I read this great blog post from The Anna Edit all about how not to get consumed and overwhelmed by being busy and it really got me thinking. The word busy is everywhere - you read it, you hear it, whenever you meet up with people you haven't seen for a while it's almost always the first word that is spoken by both of you - it's definitely a way of life now rather than just a word. The thing that tipped me over the edge and prompted this post was an email I was copied in to, in which someone had replied to the question 'how are you?' with (and I quote word for word here) "Frankly, I am insanely busy" ... I'd never seen anything like it! Such a weird thing to say to people that you have never met!
So are we all busy? Or is it, as I've suggested above, really just how life is these days?
If you're going to be literal, then yes, I am very busy. I rarely have time to myself, I often don't sit down on an evening until 9pm, on weekends we have commitments and family responsibilities, but do I think of myself as busy? Not really, it's just kind of what we do.
We always have the olds in our family expressing concern for us both - oh life is so changed these days, everyone is so busy, there's no time for people to catch their breath. I wonder what it must be like to look at it from the outside? Does it look like a massive whirlwind as people rush around from one thing to the next? And the biggest question of all, was life really slower back then? Or was it just simply different?
What do you think? Honestly I would love to know. Are you busy? Or do you agree that it's just how it is now? I reckon it's fair to say that anyone who is working right now knows all about being busy - employers expect a LOT for little in return. There's increasing pressure on people as teams get smaller but workloads get larger, more demanding and everything needs to be done yesterday. I tend to think of myself as being constantly reactive and then times when I can proactively plan ahead and get things done feel like a real win...
But here's my next point. If you're bopping along being all busy, when you actually do stop, have some time to yourself, to refresh, it's truly AMAZING! It feels soooo luxurious, lush and pretty special. Even if it's only thirty minutes on the sofa before bed with my current read, it's flipping lovely and does me the world of good. But would I want to do it all the time? To have hours on end stretch ahead of me with nothing to do? Nahhhh I don't think so! I think I might even be in danger of being a bit bored...
It's fair to say that I'm probably guilty of taking too much on at once. We both are, me and Dave, but it truly has become kind of what we do, who we are. And I think as stuff around you happens (like big life stuff) it makes me more and more aware that you gotta live this life up right! I want to get to the end and say YASS that was so much fun! I had an absolute blast! If you want to get all deep and meaningful about it, there's a whole eternity awaiting of doing absolutely nothing - give me the busy-relax-busy-relax-busy thing right here, right now!
So are we all busy? Or is it, as I've suggested above, really just how life is these days?
If you're going to be literal, then yes, I am very busy. I rarely have time to myself, I often don't sit down on an evening until 9pm, on weekends we have commitments and family responsibilities, but do I think of myself as busy? Not really, it's just kind of what we do.
We always have the olds in our family expressing concern for us both - oh life is so changed these days, everyone is so busy, there's no time for people to catch their breath. I wonder what it must be like to look at it from the outside? Does it look like a massive whirlwind as people rush around from one thing to the next? And the biggest question of all, was life really slower back then? Or was it just simply different?
What do you think? Honestly I would love to know. Are you busy? Or do you agree that it's just how it is now? I reckon it's fair to say that anyone who is working right now knows all about being busy - employers expect a LOT for little in return. There's increasing pressure on people as teams get smaller but workloads get larger, more demanding and everything needs to be done yesterday. I tend to think of myself as being constantly reactive and then times when I can proactively plan ahead and get things done feel like a real win...
But here's my next point. If you're bopping along being all busy, when you actually do stop, have some time to yourself, to refresh, it's truly AMAZING! It feels soooo luxurious, lush and pretty special. Even if it's only thirty minutes on the sofa before bed with my current read, it's flipping lovely and does me the world of good. But would I want to do it all the time? To have hours on end stretch ahead of me with nothing to do? Nahhhh I don't think so! I think I might even be in danger of being a bit bored...
It's fair to say that I'm probably guilty of taking too much on at once. We both are, me and Dave, but it truly has become kind of what we do, who we are. And I think as stuff around you happens (like big life stuff) it makes me more and more aware that you gotta live this life up right! I want to get to the end and say YASS that was so much fun! I had an absolute blast! If you want to get all deep and meaningful about it, there's a whole eternity awaiting of doing absolutely nothing - give me the busy-relax-busy-relax-busy thing right here, right now!
Wednesday, 26 October 2016
Imagination vs Reality
So here's the thing. I needed to buy a new coat for Winter, it's on its way, it can no longer be denied, the clocks will be going back soon and everything. In my head I had this idea of me rocking one of those beautiful wool coats in that camel/tan shade with a belt round the middle being all kinds of chic and stylish like as if I was Parisian or something. You get the idea.
The thing is when I tried one on I looked like I was wearing a sack of potatoes, with a belt round it. I don't actually own anything that is on the brown/tan/neutral spectrum except for accessories, and this is because it really isn't my colour at all. Nope. Not gonna happen. Back to the drawing board.
This beautiful grey, military style, 3/4 length coat caught my eye next. Even though the price made me gulp a bit I decided to try it on as the shop had a 30% off weekend (woop!). I put it on and it felt AMAZING - so soft, so dreamy, so chic, so...grown up! I swished and swirled and admired myself in the mirror for about 30 seconds before I took a second look. Yes that coat was beautiful and oh so chic, the person in the coat however? Not so much. My jeans are cropped and mottled and my boots are scuffed and scruffy, the hair the usual mop of madness and I was wearing a battered sweatshirt type top - the two just don't compute. The type of person who needs to wear that dreamy coat is someone in expensive designer jeans, wearing delicate ballet pumps that may or may not be Chanel, with tidy hair that is shiny and silky. I think I still have some growing up to do before I can feel that I belong in a coat like that.
But don't be sad! Just around the corner I found the one, the coat that is absolutely 100% me. It's still soft and smart and a beautiful dove grey colour, but it's got a massive furry hood and pockets and plenty of room for tying big scarves and the wearing of bobble hats - much more Claire-like.
In truth I don't know that I'll ever graduate to that fancy-dancy type coat. You think maybe when I'm 50? Yikes! I'll keep you posted!
Sunday, 23 October 2016
Winning at Weekends
My internet friend Pop Culture Librarian recently did this awesome post all about days off and her most favourite way to spend them, and then she threw down the gauntlet and challenged us readers to do our own, so here is mine which we shall call winning at weekends.
The ingredients to my weekends are very different depending on what is going down at that time or how much the week before has kicked my arse at work, but this particular weekend we are still in? Pretty much totally awesome, just sayin'. It started on Thursday - I know! You'd think I was a student all over again or something starting out my weekend still in the week! So Thursday. Off we popped, after work, for some tasty dinner followed by all the pretty liiiiiiights at a new exhibition in town called Neon and That. First up I love pretty lights, any colour, any shape, but when they're made using sea-glass found on the beach and are shaped and bent into all sorts of weird and wonderful creations? I'm there, with all the bells on. LOVED IT!
Next up, Friday! Not just any ordinary day at work but the first outing for our official team lunch #digitaldinner It was all kinds of fun getting to chit the chat with my new work buddies over some deeelicious food at The Chairman pub, yet another glorious eaterie on the fab little Bedford Street in town. We mooched on back to work, put in a couple more hours, before most of us packed up for the weekend at 4pm. Yassssss!
Saturday! First up was brunch with our theatre besties Ruth and Norman. These brunches have become the stuff of legend - we've plotted and planned and even found some inspiration for our set building as we spend at least 4 million hours eating all the food and putting the world to rights. This was yet another great one as we came up with all sorts of plans for our next set and cackled our way through ideas of how to lose all the grumpy people and make this next production FUN all the way...
...forget the couple of hours where I had to go to the supermarket on a Saturday and battle with all the screaming kids and grumpy parents and Dave watched his footie team get beaten yet again...
...Saturday continued! In the evening I had the exciting plans of going to eat dinner, drink wine, and stay over at D's house - a sleepover! With crappy films, all the wine, eating M&Ms until we felt sick, and just before bed caking ourselves in face masks and all the lotions and potions for a truly rockin' Saturday night! I haven't had a sleepover in like forever so it was all kinds of good (and weird!) to be away from my boys.
And now it's Sunday. I headed into town for a bit of shopping which turned out to be an excellent decision as I found my new Winter coat with 30% off and some stonkingly good boots that will see me through the upcoming season of cold. Check out my fuzzy hood - so snuggly!
The rest of the day will sadly be spent catching up on the ironing before cosying down for the night to watch episode 2 of Tutankhamun, but I really don't mind cos it's been such a fab weekend!
So there you have it. The ideal recipe for a great weekend - quality time with my boys, catching up with friends, food, wine, M&Ms, shopping - all the best ingredients for the happiest of times. Roll on the next one!
The ingredients to my weekends are very different depending on what is going down at that time or how much the week before has kicked my arse at work, but this particular weekend we are still in? Pretty much totally awesome, just sayin'. It started on Thursday - I know! You'd think I was a student all over again or something starting out my weekend still in the week! So Thursday. Off we popped, after work, for some tasty dinner followed by all the pretty liiiiiiights at a new exhibition in town called Neon and That. First up I love pretty lights, any colour, any shape, but when they're made using sea-glass found on the beach and are shaped and bent into all sorts of weird and wonderful creations? I'm there, with all the bells on. LOVED IT!
Next up, Friday! Not just any ordinary day at work but the first outing for our official team lunch #digitaldinner It was all kinds of fun getting to chit the chat with my new work buddies over some deeelicious food at The Chairman pub, yet another glorious eaterie on the fab little Bedford Street in town. We mooched on back to work, put in a couple more hours, before most of us packed up for the weekend at 4pm. Yassssss!
Saturday! First up was brunch with our theatre besties Ruth and Norman. These brunches have become the stuff of legend - we've plotted and planned and even found some inspiration for our set building as we spend at least 4 million hours eating all the food and putting the world to rights. This was yet another great one as we came up with all sorts of plans for our next set and cackled our way through ideas of how to lose all the grumpy people and make this next production FUN all the way...
...forget the couple of hours where I had to go to the supermarket on a Saturday and battle with all the screaming kids and grumpy parents and Dave watched his footie team get beaten yet again...
...Saturday continued! In the evening I had the exciting plans of going to eat dinner, drink wine, and stay over at D's house - a sleepover! With crappy films, all the wine, eating M&Ms until we felt sick, and just before bed caking ourselves in face masks and all the lotions and potions for a truly rockin' Saturday night! I haven't had a sleepover in like forever so it was all kinds of good (and weird!) to be away from my boys.
And now it's Sunday. I headed into town for a bit of shopping which turned out to be an excellent decision as I found my new Winter coat with 30% off and some stonkingly good boots that will see me through the upcoming season of cold. Check out my fuzzy hood - so snuggly!
The rest of the day will sadly be spent catching up on the ironing before cosying down for the night to watch episode 2 of Tutankhamun, but I really don't mind cos it's been such a fab weekend!
So there you have it. The ideal recipe for a great weekend - quality time with my boys, catching up with friends, food, wine, M&Ms, shopping - all the best ingredients for the happiest of times. Roll on the next one!
Wednesday, 19 October 2016
Clearing out/coming in - let's get appy!
Now that time has become fleeting once again, and weekends are filled with trying to play catch up with boring house jobs and/or sleeping, I decided it was time to get rid of a few things that were not really working out for me.
Outward bound! (not the camping/hiking sort, just to make that clear)
First up is GoodReads. Well now it's good-gone as I've got rid of it. For the second year running I set myself the task of trying to read 50 books in a year. Also for the second year running I was set to fail. Which you know, whatever, but to be honest I wasn't getting a whole lot of joy from adding my current book to my bookshelf, updating when I was finished, finding the next title...too much and frankly, not enough enjoyment. I've deleted my account and removed the app - GONE!
Next up is Pinterest. I feel like this one might possibly blow some minds (looking at you, Fizz!) but I can honestly say in the last 2-3 months I've barely looked at it, I don't have time to use the recipe books I have on my shelves much less the hundreds of recipes and cake bakes I had saved in there. It was the obvious choice to be next for the chop. And it's gone! I'm a little sad to say goodbye to my 'Awesome of Hair' board as that was truly filled with stunning hair, but surely that's what Google images is for...? GONE!
Saved from the chop!
I briefly considered getting rid of Snapchat as again, I've hardly looked at it, but the ridiculous filters do make me laugh, and my old library buddy uses it to tell me when I have a reservation to collect (libraryland peeps - you totally need to get on board with this idea, just sayin') so that one was saved at the last minute. For the sake of the books you understand.
Inward bound!
I'm slowly but surely sorting through my clothes and recently added Depop to my list of apps to try and sell some of them. The other giant selling platform that shall not be named is all kinds of awkward these days and this one seems to mainly focus on clothes and accessories so could be a winner. I've yet to brave it to sell something but will keep you posted.
Finally, I totally let myself be peer pressured into getting Twitter for myself rather than just work. So far so LOVING it. I've shamelessly fan-girl-ed at least twice when big time Bloggers and YouTubers have responded to a tweet - WHAT?! (yes I am 12). If you want to join me I'm on there as @clairejenno24 I considered sharing a blog post and tagging in a big brand just to see what happened...but I'm pretty sure that my 9 unique page views per post might not be exactly what they're looking for when they send free stuff out for review...
Over and out.
Outward bound! (not the camping/hiking sort, just to make that clear)
First up is GoodReads. Well now it's good-gone as I've got rid of it. For the second year running I set myself the task of trying to read 50 books in a year. Also for the second year running I was set to fail. Which you know, whatever, but to be honest I wasn't getting a whole lot of joy from adding my current book to my bookshelf, updating when I was finished, finding the next title...too much and frankly, not enough enjoyment. I've deleted my account and removed the app - GONE!
Next up is Pinterest. I feel like this one might possibly blow some minds (looking at you, Fizz!) but I can honestly say in the last 2-3 months I've barely looked at it, I don't have time to use the recipe books I have on my shelves much less the hundreds of recipes and cake bakes I had saved in there. It was the obvious choice to be next for the chop. And it's gone! I'm a little sad to say goodbye to my 'Awesome of Hair' board as that was truly filled with stunning hair, but surely that's what Google images is for...? GONE!
Saved from the chop!
I briefly considered getting rid of Snapchat as again, I've hardly looked at it, but the ridiculous filters do make me laugh, and my old library buddy uses it to tell me when I have a reservation to collect (libraryland peeps - you totally need to get on board with this idea, just sayin') so that one was saved at the last minute. For the sake of the books you understand.
Inward bound!
I'm slowly but surely sorting through my clothes and recently added Depop to my list of apps to try and sell some of them. The other giant selling platform that shall not be named is all kinds of awkward these days and this one seems to mainly focus on clothes and accessories so could be a winner. I've yet to brave it to sell something but will keep you posted.
Finally, I totally let myself be peer pressured into getting Twitter for myself rather than just work. So far so LOVING it. I've shamelessly fan-girl-ed at least twice when big time Bloggers and YouTubers have responded to a tweet - WHAT?! (yes I am 12). If you want to join me I'm on there as @clairejenno24 I considered sharing a blog post and tagging in a big brand just to see what happened...but I'm pretty sure that my 9 unique page views per post might not be exactly what they're looking for when they send free stuff out for review...
Over and out.
Monday, 17 October 2016
Weekend wrap-up
Blah blah busy busy. No-one wants to hear about that shizz. Here's some sparkly lights and cosy weekend pictures instead. Hope you had a great weekend!
A tent full of stars, full of wishes. One of those wishes is mine. I wonder if it will come true...
Autumn is definitely upon us now. The leaves are turning red and gold and orange, the mornings are crisp, and my feet are starting to get cold - time to crack out the socks and lose the cropped jeans...
It always amazes me how such a big dog can fold himself up into a small furry fluff ball. Bob the Dude, champion sleeper.
I love how I can watch the light start to fade without moving my ass from my sofa. Sweet deal.
A tent full of stars, full of wishes. One of those wishes is mine. I wonder if it will come true...
Oooohhh Ahhhhhh pretty sparkly neon lights. There might be some more of them coming your way next weekend as on Thursday I'm going to the opening of an art exhibition called 'Neon and That' in a venue called The House of Blah Blah (LOVE THAT!) by the same artist as below, Stu Langley. Can't wait!
Autumn is definitely upon us now. The leaves are turning red and gold and orange, the mornings are crisp, and my feet are starting to get cold - time to crack out the socks and lose the cropped jeans...
It always amazes me how such a big dog can fold himself up into a small furry fluff ball. Bob the Dude, champion sleeper.
I love how I can watch the light start to fade without moving my ass from my sofa. Sweet deal.
Friday, 29 July 2016
Hoarder
Actually that title up there is a bit misleading as I'm really not that big a hoarder. I'm all kinds of good about going through my wardrobe on the regular, and anything that hasn't been worn for 6 months goes to the charity shop; I even give books away now! You just can't keep everything I guess. BUT! I do have a couple of boxes in the loft that I am hoarding with my life as they're filled with happy, beautiful memories from years gone by. In those boxes are all my diaries and letters from university.
I kept a diary absolutely religiously from 1988 through to about 2008 when Dave and I started going out. I think once I had an actual person to tell all my secrets to, I didn't need the paper diary anymore. But for 20 years I went from notebook to notebook, scrawling down my daily thoughts. There's ticket stubs from gigs and cinema trips and holidays, and I don't even want to think about the cringey teenage years where I probably just wrote about my TV soap habit. Some day, after I'm long gone, it'll give someone a right old laugh to have a read through them all. Or, you know, they might just get thrown away. Whatevs.
I recently found another box in the garage that was full of all my uni stuff and I laughed for ages going through all the notes we used to leave on our hall doors, and the letters we exchanged in the holidays. So many happy memories that won't mean anything to anyone but me!
But how could you throw away 60ft Dolls and Bluetones gig tickets? It just can't be done! I suppose I might have to one day, but maybe when I'm ready I'll go through and re-read them all - I won't have anything else to do when I'm 95 will I?! And I'll look back ever so fondly on the madness and the stupid things we got up to when we were students who could drink 6 pints, stay up until 2am, and still get up for class the next day!
Happy days. Happy memories. Worth a hoard or two...
I kept a diary absolutely religiously from 1988 through to about 2008 when Dave and I started going out. I think once I had an actual person to tell all my secrets to, I didn't need the paper diary anymore. But for 20 years I went from notebook to notebook, scrawling down my daily thoughts. There's ticket stubs from gigs and cinema trips and holidays, and I don't even want to think about the cringey teenage years where I probably just wrote about my TV soap habit. Some day, after I'm long gone, it'll give someone a right old laugh to have a read through them all. Or, you know, they might just get thrown away. Whatevs.
I recently found another box in the garage that was full of all my uni stuff and I laughed for ages going through all the notes we used to leave on our hall doors, and the letters we exchanged in the holidays. So many happy memories that won't mean anything to anyone but me!
But how could you throw away 60ft Dolls and Bluetones gig tickets? It just can't be done! I suppose I might have to one day, but maybe when I'm ready I'll go through and re-read them all - I won't have anything else to do when I'm 95 will I?! And I'll look back ever so fondly on the madness and the stupid things we got up to when we were students who could drink 6 pints, stay up until 2am, and still get up for class the next day!
Happy days. Happy memories. Worth a hoard or two...
Friday, 8 July 2016
Five Discoveries
Can you believe that half the year is almost over? How did that happen? I'm still trying to figure it out. What has been even more surprising is that 2016 has been a big year of discoveries which I thought I would share with you today. I'll warn you now, each discovery is totally random and probably a bit barmy, but when did that ever stop me? Ready to start? Here goes.
Discovery #1: pikelets vs crumpets
Oh Em Gee. I have always been a massive fan of crumpets, that odd fluffy, bread-y circle of delight, drenched in butter, but recently I discovered pikelets and they're a total game changer! They're identical in texture, bigger, but (and here is the rub!) they're thinner. So basically you can eat more. Like maybe half the packet. They're especially good with nutella, but still lip-smackingly good drenched in butter. This is probably the most ridiculous discovery of the year, but anything goes on this here blog, so pikelets it is. In case you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, or want to try some for yourself, here's a handy link: Pikelets of joy
Discovery #2: new friends
Did you know you can still make new friends, no matter how old you get? I don't know why this should come as so much of a surprise, but I made a new friend this year. She's a work buddy, and almost from day one we just clicked. Whenever we're not busy putting the world to rights we're laughing and chattering and just doing the friend thing. We've even joined the gym together to become gym buddies! Can you even? She's only working at my libraryland for another month or so before she returns to her branch and I'm gonna miss her soooo much. I'm still trying to persuade her to pack me into a box and sneak me out when no-one is looking so I can go work with her all the time. I'm sure it can be done, we get some quite big boxes that I might fit into...
Discovery #3: feeling old
I don't mean feeling old as in all wrinkly and the bones aching in your body, well okay, maybe some days; I mean feeling old as in oh those pesky young people and their massive sense of entitlement and lack of professionalism type of thing. Even writing that line makes me cringe a little inside, cos even though I am older, I'm not old - I'm still ambitious myself and want to find a good job that inspires me, has a cool boss, and pays well. But I also understand respect and professionalism. This is a tough one as let's face it, a whole study could be written about this little discovery of mine, but there's just something...what is the word I am looking for...off I think, yes, off about the attitude. It has a bad smell that gets right up my nose and definitely makes me feel old. I do not like, not one little bit. Shall I just retire now...? (I wish!)
Discovery #4: grumpiness
Have you noticed the common theme between #3 and #4? Sheesh, what is going on? I was always the happy go-lucky girl who had sunbeams shining out of her arse, but these days I am often bordering on the grumpy. As with feeling old, this is not something that I am enjoying. My mam blames it on my age #feeling40 anyone? But I think it's maybe me gearing up and getting ready to sack in the current day-to-day that I know now, and move to the country to be at one with my pigs and my green wellies. There'll be plenty of room if anyone wants to come and join me...
Discovery #5: comfort is king
This one is the most horrifying of all, and if my friend Rachel is reading this, she will be laughing out loud by now, but here we go. Friends, I have discovered that when it comes to shoes, comfort is king. This you will learn after a zombie shift (the name for working many many hours that conclude at 7 in the pm), when you are on your feet all day and have pounded the floor from trolley to shelves and back again many times over. Wearing little pumps that were previously your shoe of choice will kill your legs dead. As in they might stop working they are so stiff. I spent a recent free moment ordering some shoes to verify this. They've just arrived today and it is like walking with a mattress made of sponge on your feet. I can't wait to try them out at work and see how they get on. Luckily they are still cool as effers and there is no velcro to be seen (woop!). My feet and legs are already thanking me.
And so concludes my discoveries of 2016, part one. Can you even imagine what might be revealed by the end of the year when I do part two? Try to contain your excitement...
Discovery #1: pikelets vs crumpets
Oh Em Gee. I have always been a massive fan of crumpets, that odd fluffy, bread-y circle of delight, drenched in butter, but recently I discovered pikelets and they're a total game changer! They're identical in texture, bigger, but (and here is the rub!) they're thinner. So basically you can eat more. Like maybe half the packet. They're especially good with nutella, but still lip-smackingly good drenched in butter. This is probably the most ridiculous discovery of the year, but anything goes on this here blog, so pikelets it is. In case you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, or want to try some for yourself, here's a handy link: Pikelets of joy
Discovery #2: new friends
Did you know you can still make new friends, no matter how old you get? I don't know why this should come as so much of a surprise, but I made a new friend this year. She's a work buddy, and almost from day one we just clicked. Whenever we're not busy putting the world to rights we're laughing and chattering and just doing the friend thing. We've even joined the gym together to become gym buddies! Can you even? She's only working at my libraryland for another month or so before she returns to her branch and I'm gonna miss her soooo much. I'm still trying to persuade her to pack me into a box and sneak me out when no-one is looking so I can go work with her all the time. I'm sure it can be done, we get some quite big boxes that I might fit into...
Discovery #3: feeling old
I don't mean feeling old as in all wrinkly and the bones aching in your body, well okay, maybe some days; I mean feeling old as in oh those pesky young people and their massive sense of entitlement and lack of professionalism type of thing. Even writing that line makes me cringe a little inside, cos even though I am older, I'm not old - I'm still ambitious myself and want to find a good job that inspires me, has a cool boss, and pays well. But I also understand respect and professionalism. This is a tough one as let's face it, a whole study could be written about this little discovery of mine, but there's just something...what is the word I am looking for...off I think, yes, off about the attitude. It has a bad smell that gets right up my nose and definitely makes me feel old. I do not like, not one little bit. Shall I just retire now...? (I wish!)
Discovery #4: grumpiness
Have you noticed the common theme between #3 and #4? Sheesh, what is going on? I was always the happy go-lucky girl who had sunbeams shining out of her arse, but these days I am often bordering on the grumpy. As with feeling old, this is not something that I am enjoying. My mam blames it on my age #feeling40 anyone? But I think it's maybe me gearing up and getting ready to sack in the current day-to-day that I know now, and move to the country to be at one with my pigs and my green wellies. There'll be plenty of room if anyone wants to come and join me...
Discovery #5: comfort is king
This one is the most horrifying of all, and if my friend Rachel is reading this, she will be laughing out loud by now, but here we go. Friends, I have discovered that when it comes to shoes, comfort is king. This you will learn after a zombie shift (the name for working many many hours that conclude at 7 in the pm), when you are on your feet all day and have pounded the floor from trolley to shelves and back again many times over. Wearing little pumps that were previously your shoe of choice will kill your legs dead. As in they might stop working they are so stiff. I spent a recent free moment ordering some shoes to verify this. They've just arrived today and it is like walking with a mattress made of sponge on your feet. I can't wait to try them out at work and see how they get on. Luckily they are still cool as effers and there is no velcro to be seen (woop!). My feet and legs are already thanking me.
And so concludes my discoveries of 2016, part one. Can you even imagine what might be revealed by the end of the year when I do part two? Try to contain your excitement...
Monday, 13 June 2016
Endings
Endings are haaaaaaard. Way back in March my temporary project contract that I was working on came to an end, and I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I have never been so sad about anything work related coming to an end. Man I LOVED that project - it might have been small in length but it was big on inspiration.
I was hired for a research and consultation exercise, and the research side of it was the usual kind of stuff: lots of internet searching, lots of putting reports together, lots of facts and figures and statistics. But the consulting was what really made it for me. I got to go to all these amazing groups and meet people with differing levels of visual impairment, some members were totally blind and had been since birth, and talk to them about art and their perceptions of art and how they felt about visiting galleries and museums. More often than not the talk would turn to other topics and general chit-chat and each and every time I came out of those consultation meetings feeling both humbled and inspired by the amazing people, still working hard to tackle everyday life despite the massive obstacle of zero/failing sight facing them.
I even helped to run an art workshop, where working with these same people, we all worked together to create some fabulous artwork using all sorts of different materials. In that session, I blindfolded myself and painted a tree using string and blu-tack and touch to feel the outline and splodge the paint - trust me when I say that was a pretty amazing experience!
So why am I just talking about this now? Well, recently, I met my boss to return the equipment and say goodbye I guess, even though I know we will keep in touch. The project is absolutely over and therefore our working relationship is too. As with the project ending, I felt the same way about this boss too. In all my working life I've never worked for anyone that I truly respected, admired, and felt inspired by, until this project. It's tough to not get too soppy about it all, but I'll tell you a little secret: we did that already! I miss working with her very much, and our weekly meetings where we talked about all kinds of everything. It's all kinds of awesome to work for someone who you feel is that kind of awesome. It's like, ohhhh, so that's what that feels like!
We had a lovely coffee and catch up, we visited an art gallery which was just like being back at work again cos we did lots of that when I worked on the project, and we said our goodbyes. Waaaaahhh, endings suck! There's no point wishing for things that didn't happen, we didn't get the funding, the end. I'm keeping the faith though, you never know what's round the corner and maybe we'll get to work together again. Until then we have coffee and catch ups and very, very fond memories. A fitting ending to an end I think.
I was hired for a research and consultation exercise, and the research side of it was the usual kind of stuff: lots of internet searching, lots of putting reports together, lots of facts and figures and statistics. But the consulting was what really made it for me. I got to go to all these amazing groups and meet people with differing levels of visual impairment, some members were totally blind and had been since birth, and talk to them about art and their perceptions of art and how they felt about visiting galleries and museums. More often than not the talk would turn to other topics and general chit-chat and each and every time I came out of those consultation meetings feeling both humbled and inspired by the amazing people, still working hard to tackle everyday life despite the massive obstacle of zero/failing sight facing them.
I even helped to run an art workshop, where working with these same people, we all worked together to create some fabulous artwork using all sorts of different materials. In that session, I blindfolded myself and painted a tree using string and blu-tack and touch to feel the outline and splodge the paint - trust me when I say that was a pretty amazing experience!
So why am I just talking about this now? Well, recently, I met my boss to return the equipment and say goodbye I guess, even though I know we will keep in touch. The project is absolutely over and therefore our working relationship is too. As with the project ending, I felt the same way about this boss too. In all my working life I've never worked for anyone that I truly respected, admired, and felt inspired by, until this project. It's tough to not get too soppy about it all, but I'll tell you a little secret: we did that already! I miss working with her very much, and our weekly meetings where we talked about all kinds of everything. It's all kinds of awesome to work for someone who you feel is that kind of awesome. It's like, ohhhh, so that's what that feels like!
We had a lovely coffee and catch up, we visited an art gallery which was just like being back at work again cos we did lots of that when I worked on the project, and we said our goodbyes. Waaaaahhh, endings suck! There's no point wishing for things that didn't happen, we didn't get the funding, the end. I'm keeping the faith though, you never know what's round the corner and maybe we'll get to work together again. Until then we have coffee and catch ups and very, very fond memories. A fitting ending to an end I think.
Monday, 6 June 2016
Easy like Sunday morning
Last week was well and truly an arse-kicker kind of week. Work felt long, despite it being a 4 day week, and was scattered with frustrations and zombie-shifts. Plus, we watched miserably out of the window as each day we woke up to yet more grey skies and chilly weather whilst everyone else in the UK enjoyed blue skies and soaring temperatures. You can only imagine our delight waking up on Sunday morning to a bright blue sky and sunshine - can I hear a woop woop! Cue lazy strolls along the river, coffee in the sunshine, and an ice-cream for good measure. Ahh, happy days...
Friday, 3 June 2016
Flick the busy switch on
You remember that time last year when I was all kinds of busy because I foolishly agreed to be the Production Assistant at my theatre group, and I did a whole load of whining about it? I do believe I also said that if you ever heard me say those words again then you could punch me? Well, get your boxing gloves out kids because guess what? I'm a Production Assistant again! I know, right? Even I tried to bop myself but it didn't work and I just ended up with another bruise. In a pitiful attempt to try to defend myself the director did ask for me in person...and apparently he is super thrilled that I agreed...and he might only need me one night a week, or maybe two, or actually can you just come to all the rehearsals? Arrrgggghhhh!
So here we are again. Busy all the nights, busy all the days. I've also recently added to my libraryland job by joining what they call the temporary register - basically they can call you up and ask you to work at any of the branches across the borough. I'm very happy about this cos I've been asking for a really long time, and those extra hours are already starting to clock up. Big woop for the extra pennies - 1, housework/housewifey duties - big fat epic zero. The ironing pile is mountainous, the washing pile is beginning to look the same, there may even be dishes left in the sink from last night, and the whole house needs cleaning...yep that busy switch is well and truly flicked on!
In other news, the sun has finally decided to come back out to play.
My car may or may not be on its last legs (wheels?) He's going to the garage this week for the diagnosis, send positive thoughts!
I've finally stopped eating all the chocolate. That holiday vibe went on a really looooong time, like since Christmas. Oopsy.
Bob the Dog is almost 1 year old!
I think that's probably it for now. I have to go and download Kiss by Tom Jones now as part of my good little PA duties. See you on the other side!
So here we are again. Busy all the nights, busy all the days. I've also recently added to my libraryland job by joining what they call the temporary register - basically they can call you up and ask you to work at any of the branches across the borough. I'm very happy about this cos I've been asking for a really long time, and those extra hours are already starting to clock up. Big woop for the extra pennies - 1, housework/housewifey duties - big fat epic zero. The ironing pile is mountainous, the washing pile is beginning to look the same, there may even be dishes left in the sink from last night, and the whole house needs cleaning...yep that busy switch is well and truly flicked on!
In other news, the sun has finally decided to come back out to play.
My car may or may not be on its last legs (wheels?) He's going to the garage this week for the diagnosis, send positive thoughts!
I've finally stopped eating all the chocolate. That holiday vibe went on a really looooong time, like since Christmas. Oopsy.
Bob the Dog is almost 1 year old!
I think that's probably it for now. I have to go and download Kiss by Tom Jones now as part of my good little PA duties. See you on the other side!
Monday, 9 May 2016
Peter Panning
I was having this text conversation with my sister the other day and we were chatting about this and that and she asked me what I was up to. I replied that I was catching up on some YouTube videos. Her reply? Your niece is doing that too.
I should at this point tell you that my niece is 12...
...does this make me 12 too?
Fast forward a few days later and I started to think back to that conversation, and to the general idea of what it means to get older. When I was actually 12, I had no concept of what it would be like to be 41 (my actual age) but if anyone had asked me I would probably have said that I would be looking after all my children and flicking through the catalogue to pick out the latest furniture for my home (anyone else do that when they were kids...?) As things have worked out, my life is nothing like that (can we have a hallelujah!) and at 41 I don't feel old, older, or more mature than I did when I was 19. Am I stuck in a time-warp, forever trying to recreate my much missed youth? Nope, but I now know the thing that adults never tell you when you are kids - no-one ever grows up! Seriously, that feeling older thing is a total urban myth.
I can back this up with further evidence from two very important people in my life. First up is Dave. Dave is quite a lot older than me and people have this ridiculous notion that I live with an adult. Let me stop you for a moment there while I have a good belly laugh first, and then secondly say HA! Don't be fooled by the age thing, there are basically two big kids living in this house with the over-sized dog/horse. The second is my Pops. In actual years, he will be 70 this year, but believe me when I say that in his head he is still 25. He still throws engines around at work, he still throws himself around in cars with no doors doing hill challenges and rallying, and he likes nothing better than to cause mischief. Adults - nil, Big Kids - high five!
Obviously in actual terms I am an adult, doing adult things: I go to work, I pay the bills, I do the food shop and boring housework-y things that are definitely the worst aspect of adulting, but believe me, in my head I am still the same as I was when I was 19. (This was a big age for me, it was when I finally finally realised that I was okay to just be me, my true self, and be all the things that go with being me).
But turning 40 doesn't mean that you have to stop time, cease all fun, and start wearing beige (I seriously read an article once that recommended you should start wearing neutral tones past 35 - as if!), nor does it mean that you have to go around saying that you don't understand Snapchat and don't have time to watch that YouTube nonsense. I'm here to put you right kids! Snapchat is hilarious and YouTube can be anything you want it to be. Ner-ner-ner.
The general concept of being "too old" is bullshizz - people are doing some amazing stuff now at all ages. And just because the numbers increase each year doesn't mean that you have to lose some sense of self with them. Do what makes you happy! If that means watching videos and vlogs from the crazy world of YouTube then go right ahead, no matter how old you are. I fully plan on remaining the same way as I am now until I'm at least 65, when I will retire to the country, let my hair go grey, invest in some crackin' good nighties* which I will match with my wellies, and stomp about my country house looking after my pigs. In my spare time I will still be listening to new music, dancing around the kitchen, and checking in on my YouTube peeps.
*Sidenote: it's highly unlikely that anyone will want to visit me as, hello, crazy woman who keeps pigs, which is why it'll be okay for me to be stomping about in my nightwear, in case you were wondering.
I should at this point tell you that my niece is 12...
...does this make me 12 too?
Fast forward a few days later and I started to think back to that conversation, and to the general idea of what it means to get older. When I was actually 12, I had no concept of what it would be like to be 41 (my actual age) but if anyone had asked me I would probably have said that I would be looking after all my children and flicking through the catalogue to pick out the latest furniture for my home (anyone else do that when they were kids...?) As things have worked out, my life is nothing like that (can we have a hallelujah!) and at 41 I don't feel old, older, or more mature than I did when I was 19. Am I stuck in a time-warp, forever trying to recreate my much missed youth? Nope, but I now know the thing that adults never tell you when you are kids - no-one ever grows up! Seriously, that feeling older thing is a total urban myth.
I can back this up with further evidence from two very important people in my life. First up is Dave. Dave is quite a lot older than me and people have this ridiculous notion that I live with an adult. Let me stop you for a moment there while I have a good belly laugh first, and then secondly say HA! Don't be fooled by the age thing, there are basically two big kids living in this house with the over-sized dog/horse. The second is my Pops. In actual years, he will be 70 this year, but believe me when I say that in his head he is still 25. He still throws engines around at work, he still throws himself around in cars with no doors doing hill challenges and rallying, and he likes nothing better than to cause mischief. Adults - nil, Big Kids - high five!
Obviously in actual terms I am an adult, doing adult things: I go to work, I pay the bills, I do the food shop and boring housework-y things that are definitely the worst aspect of adulting, but believe me, in my head I am still the same as I was when I was 19. (This was a big age for me, it was when I finally finally realised that I was okay to just be me, my true self, and be all the things that go with being me).
But turning 40 doesn't mean that you have to stop time, cease all fun, and start wearing beige (I seriously read an article once that recommended you should start wearing neutral tones past 35 - as if!), nor does it mean that you have to go around saying that you don't understand Snapchat and don't have time to watch that YouTube nonsense. I'm here to put you right kids! Snapchat is hilarious and YouTube can be anything you want it to be. Ner-ner-ner.
The general concept of being "too old" is bullshizz - people are doing some amazing stuff now at all ages. And just because the numbers increase each year doesn't mean that you have to lose some sense of self with them. Do what makes you happy! If that means watching videos and vlogs from the crazy world of YouTube then go right ahead, no matter how old you are. I fully plan on remaining the same way as I am now until I'm at least 65, when I will retire to the country, let my hair go grey, invest in some crackin' good nighties* which I will match with my wellies, and stomp about my country house looking after my pigs. In my spare time I will still be listening to new music, dancing around the kitchen, and checking in on my YouTube peeps.
*Sidenote: it's highly unlikely that anyone will want to visit me as, hello, crazy woman who keeps pigs, which is why it'll be okay for me to be stomping about in my nightwear, in case you were wondering.
Monday, 11 April 2016
Funky
I have to admit, I've been in a bit of a funk of late. I can't pinpoint exactly what started it but I think it was a combination of finishing my other part time job (which I LOVED) to be left with libraryland as my only job, the endless task of rebuilding a greenhouse that is 16 foot by 10 foot large and more like a garage than a small building to warm your plants, the crappy pouring rain, and all round general blah-ness. Maybe one by one it wouldn't be too bad but all together? Funky.
Libraryland isn't awful. But it's not entirely great either. It feels very much like taking a massive step backwards, which wasn't my plan at all when leaving libraryland version 1. It's only 18.5 hours which means part time salary which is never really all that great. There are many other factors which don't need to be discussed on the internets that all go into me feeling not so great about it. I'm not alone in this feeling so a lot of conversations revolve around this, which is definitely not helping with the funk and again feels very much like being back where I was. I'm trying to have a word with myself everyday but so far...funky.
The greenhouse rebuild is something that we have to do. It's probably going to take the whole month. If it was glorious sunshine with the warmth beating on my back I might feel okay about it, but so far it's been chuffing freezing and I've been chilled to the bone! It's hard not to feel resentful about the time...but then I feel guilty and try to do the word thing with myself again...funky.
Crappy pouring rain? Ain't nothing we can do about that. April showers and all that jazz...funky.
All round general blah-ness? What I need is a holiday. Good job we have one booked then, ha! (not) funky.
But I'm here to say it's not all doom and gloom and funkiness. My faith was restored. By a 4 year old boy with the sweetest ginger hair no less. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a littles person, but this little ginger stole my heart. He came in to libraryland to ask for a book about leaves because he loves trees and nature (be still my heart!) I took him to the general location and found a couple of possible books and he immediately sat on the floor and asked me which book was the best. Nothing for it but to join him.
Both sat on the floor (with grandma comfortably on the chairs) we looked through the books talking about wriggly worms and how birds make nests in cacti and he picked out a couple that he liked the look of. Oh and have you got a book about pirates for my homework, he asked. Safely armed with his book loot I took him to the machines and helped him to issue his books. 'What do you say to the lady?' asked grandma. A shy thank you followed. I headed back to the desk and he followed along with me. 'What's your name?' he asked me so I told him. 'Thank you Claire' he replied and trotted off out the door with his carrier bag nearly hitting the floor, basically taking my heart with him. So. Cute!
Sometimes I guess you just need some wide eyed innocence to make you believe that you're doing a good job. Thanks little ginger, you helped this old cynic out of her mopey funk.
Libraryland isn't awful. But it's not entirely great either. It feels very much like taking a massive step backwards, which wasn't my plan at all when leaving libraryland version 1. It's only 18.5 hours which means part time salary which is never really all that great. There are many other factors which don't need to be discussed on the internets that all go into me feeling not so great about it. I'm not alone in this feeling so a lot of conversations revolve around this, which is definitely not helping with the funk and again feels very much like being back where I was. I'm trying to have a word with myself everyday but so far...funky.
The greenhouse rebuild is something that we have to do. It's probably going to take the whole month. If it was glorious sunshine with the warmth beating on my back I might feel okay about it, but so far it's been chuffing freezing and I've been chilled to the bone! It's hard not to feel resentful about the time...but then I feel guilty and try to do the word thing with myself again...funky.
Crappy pouring rain? Ain't nothing we can do about that. April showers and all that jazz...funky.
All round general blah-ness? What I need is a holiday. Good job we have one booked then, ha! (not) funky.
But I'm here to say it's not all doom and gloom and funkiness. My faith was restored. By a 4 year old boy with the sweetest ginger hair no less. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a littles person, but this little ginger stole my heart. He came in to libraryland to ask for a book about leaves because he loves trees and nature (be still my heart!) I took him to the general location and found a couple of possible books and he immediately sat on the floor and asked me which book was the best. Nothing for it but to join him.
Both sat on the floor (with grandma comfortably on the chairs) we looked through the books talking about wriggly worms and how birds make nests in cacti and he picked out a couple that he liked the look of. Oh and have you got a book about pirates for my homework, he asked. Safely armed with his book loot I took him to the machines and helped him to issue his books. 'What do you say to the lady?' asked grandma. A shy thank you followed. I headed back to the desk and he followed along with me. 'What's your name?' he asked me so I told him. 'Thank you Claire' he replied and trotted off out the door with his carrier bag nearly hitting the floor, basically taking my heart with him. So. Cute!
Sometimes I guess you just need some wide eyed innocence to make you believe that you're doing a good job. Thanks little ginger, you helped this old cynic out of her mopey funk.
Monday, 4 April 2016
Off Grid
I have this friend who is completely and utterly offline. She has absolutely zero presence on the internets - nothing, nada, nil- and I think she's a better person for it. She doesn't get caught up in it all, you know? Any photos that she takes are strictly for her eyes only, well, you get it, she's just not interested. I find myself being envious of that innocence. I'm currently having a break from Facebook as yet again it was all just starting to get a bit too much. I even, and I'm ashamed to admit this, threw my phone across the living room one day in total rage/helplessness over the stupidity of something that was going on. You don't need to hear the whys or wherefores, just have the knowledge that I threw my phone in a paddy. Like I was 3 or something. The shame. Total and utter shame.
This online world that we live in now is a really long, pointy, and sharp double edged sword. On the one hand I want to be totally cool about posting something and not care if it gets likes or comments, and on the other I'm looking at my phone and waiting for pings or alerts. I don't like this side of myself and it's why I take a break every now and then. I've done it once before and it was like taking a deep cleansing breath. When I went places I was just there, not thinking about taking a photo for this and doing a sneaky check-in, every moment was just lived, without any record of it happening other than in my head, my memories. It was a good place to be and a little part of me felt like I let myself down when I got caught back up in it all.
I think of all the social medias, Facebook is definitely the worst - the most frustrating place to be. The constant changes that they make seem to mean that you end up seeing more of what you don't want to see and less of what might be interesting or funny or happy. And even when you unfollow someone or a page, somehow there is a way that it will show up again. So much frustration! There also doesn't seem to be a great deal of checking oneself before something goes out - foul swearing, vile comments, spouting of bile, it is deeply unattractive and I often find myself shocked by it.
I don't know about the future of all this social media that isn't really social, and that's a discussion that probably needs a whole research paper and not a tiddly blog post. Suffice it to say, me and Facebook are on a break. Maybe one day I will pluck up the courage and go entirely off grid just like my friend. Perhaps I should try it for a period of time and just see how I get along. What's the worst that could happen? Total ignorance and bliss away from all the nonsense? Or radio silence as everyone lives their amazing online lives? Now there's an intriguing thought...
This online world that we live in now is a really long, pointy, and sharp double edged sword. On the one hand I want to be totally cool about posting something and not care if it gets likes or comments, and on the other I'm looking at my phone and waiting for pings or alerts. I don't like this side of myself and it's why I take a break every now and then. I've done it once before and it was like taking a deep cleansing breath. When I went places I was just there, not thinking about taking a photo for this and doing a sneaky check-in, every moment was just lived, without any record of it happening other than in my head, my memories. It was a good place to be and a little part of me felt like I let myself down when I got caught back up in it all.
I think of all the social medias, Facebook is definitely the worst - the most frustrating place to be. The constant changes that they make seem to mean that you end up seeing more of what you don't want to see and less of what might be interesting or funny or happy. And even when you unfollow someone or a page, somehow there is a way that it will show up again. So much frustration! There also doesn't seem to be a great deal of checking oneself before something goes out - foul swearing, vile comments, spouting of bile, it is deeply unattractive and I often find myself shocked by it.
I don't know about the future of all this social media that isn't really social, and that's a discussion that probably needs a whole research paper and not a tiddly blog post. Suffice it to say, me and Facebook are on a break. Maybe one day I will pluck up the courage and go entirely off grid just like my friend. Perhaps I should try it for a period of time and just see how I get along. What's the worst that could happen? Total ignorance and bliss away from all the nonsense? Or radio silence as everyone lives their amazing online lives? Now there's an intriguing thought...
Friday, 1 April 2016
Resolve Version 2 - The Revisit
At the beginning of the month I set about doing some more resolving which you can revisit via this link Being all grown up and everything I decided to revisit it for myself and see how well I got on.
#1: to see more people - I most certainly did do that! I met up with people for walks, for coffee, for general chitchat, and to go to the cinema, which ties in nicely to resolving number 2.
#2: to finally get to the cinema - by fulfilling number 1, I successfully achieved this! I met up with Debs and we saw How to be Single which I absolutely loved. It was funny and light, there was lots of fashion inspiration and fringe (bangs) envy, and New York looked all kinds of cool and dreamy. Yay to cinema. More to come!
#3: to be better at making a decent lunch - Ummm, can I say kind of? I really did do my very best and made a really decent attempt but there were still a couple of days when laziness won out and it was a toast up whatever is in the cupboard even if it's two hot cross buns kind of moment. File this one in the 'ongoing' folder I think.
#4: to apply the same to dinners - This one was better, definitely better. Even when Dave was away for a week I had a really good dinner every night, that usually involved either veggies or salad on the side. Woop! It's somehow easier to be more organised about dinners than lunches, what's that all about I wonder?
#5: to get through series 5 of Buffy - Waaaaaahhhhh why didn't anyone tell me that this was the series where I would basically cry like a big baby at every episode? So. Much. Sadness. Even now just thinking about it gives me a lump in my throat. I'm well on my way into series 6 now which will only leave one more series before the end. I can't imagine how I'll fill my spare moments when it's all over...
#6: to go somewhere I haven't been in my local area - this one is for the did not achieve folder. As per usual, all kinds of life stuff got in the way, such as a massive greenhouse re-building project that took up most of our spare weekends...less said about that the better! Hopefully I will get to do this in April. I have got somewhere in mind, it's just finding the time to actually get there.
5 out of 6 isn't too bad. And to be honest, the above are all resolves that I'll be working on throughout the year/rest of my life - well maybe not watching Buffy as clearly that would just be crazy times...
#1: to see more people - I most certainly did do that! I met up with people for walks, for coffee, for general chitchat, and to go to the cinema, which ties in nicely to resolving number 2.
#2: to finally get to the cinema - by fulfilling number 1, I successfully achieved this! I met up with Debs and we saw How to be Single which I absolutely loved. It was funny and light, there was lots of fashion inspiration and fringe (bangs) envy, and New York looked all kinds of cool and dreamy. Yay to cinema. More to come!
#3: to be better at making a decent lunch - Ummm, can I say kind of? I really did do my very best and made a really decent attempt but there were still a couple of days when laziness won out and it was a toast up whatever is in the cupboard even if it's two hot cross buns kind of moment. File this one in the 'ongoing' folder I think.
#4: to apply the same to dinners - This one was better, definitely better. Even when Dave was away for a week I had a really good dinner every night, that usually involved either veggies or salad on the side. Woop! It's somehow easier to be more organised about dinners than lunches, what's that all about I wonder?
#5: to get through series 5 of Buffy - Waaaaaahhhhh why didn't anyone tell me that this was the series where I would basically cry like a big baby at every episode? So. Much. Sadness. Even now just thinking about it gives me a lump in my throat. I'm well on my way into series 6 now which will only leave one more series before the end. I can't imagine how I'll fill my spare moments when it's all over...
#6: to go somewhere I haven't been in my local area - this one is for the did not achieve folder. As per usual, all kinds of life stuff got in the way, such as a massive greenhouse re-building project that took up most of our spare weekends...less said about that the better! Hopefully I will get to do this in April. I have got somewhere in mind, it's just finding the time to actually get there.
5 out of 6 isn't too bad. And to be honest, the above are all resolves that I'll be working on throughout the year/rest of my life - well maybe not watching Buffy as clearly that would just be crazy times...
Friday, 4 March 2016
Resolve - version 2
I'm still trying to figure out where February went. It definitely happened, I know that from the calendar, but all I remember from the month was an endless cycle of work, dog walk, eat, sleep, repeat. I hardly saw anyone or went anywhere, and frankly that is pretty sucky. Hence I'm back with some more resolving for 2016. Let's do this thing, March!
In no particular order, I resolve:
- to make more of an effort to see people. I'm looking at all of you that I've hardly seen this year. I'm sorry, I'm rubbish. I'm busy, but rubbish! I'll be in touch to make some dates with you lovely lot, see you soon!
- to finally get to the cinema to see a film. I said I wanted to do more of that in 2016 and so far I've seen...um...what have I seen? I'm not even sure I have seen anything. Epic fail. Get thee to a cinema, lady!
- to be better at making a decent lunch. February was the month of eating whatever I could find in the cupboards and sometimes that was a couple of crumpets with Nutella that fill up no-one. Time to be more organised and make the lunch box a delicious and filling place to be.
- to apply the same as above to dinners. There's been a few times this month where we've given into the takeaway easiness and it's not always been great or enjoyable. Home cooked meals rule. Be more organised is my March rule.
- to get through series 5 of Buffy (I know, grown up problems or what?!) I have this anxiety that Netflix will suddenly decide enough is enough and take it away. And I'm so invested, I NEED to watch it to the very end or I will sulk. Big style. And I don't do that hardly ever so when I do it's not very pretty at all.
- to go somewhere I haven't been before in my local area. I love me an adventure and I definitely love discovering new places. And March feels more like Spring which means blue skies and sunny days and I always want to be outside for them. Oooh where shall we go? Feel free to leave any suggestions below!
More resolving. For a girl who had no plans to make resolutions I seem to be doing a pretty good job of sneaking them in here and there. How are your resolutions going? Have you added in any new ones?
In no particular order, I resolve:
- to make more of an effort to see people. I'm looking at all of you that I've hardly seen this year. I'm sorry, I'm rubbish. I'm busy, but rubbish! I'll be in touch to make some dates with you lovely lot, see you soon!
- to finally get to the cinema to see a film. I said I wanted to do more of that in 2016 and so far I've seen...um...what have I seen? I'm not even sure I have seen anything. Epic fail. Get thee to a cinema, lady!
- to be better at making a decent lunch. February was the month of eating whatever I could find in the cupboards and sometimes that was a couple of crumpets with Nutella that fill up no-one. Time to be more organised and make the lunch box a delicious and filling place to be.
- to apply the same as above to dinners. There's been a few times this month where we've given into the takeaway easiness and it's not always been great or enjoyable. Home cooked meals rule. Be more organised is my March rule.
- to get through series 5 of Buffy (I know, grown up problems or what?!) I have this anxiety that Netflix will suddenly decide enough is enough and take it away. And I'm so invested, I NEED to watch it to the very end or I will sulk. Big style. And I don't do that hardly ever so when I do it's not very pretty at all.
- to go somewhere I haven't been before in my local area. I love me an adventure and I definitely love discovering new places. And March feels more like Spring which means blue skies and sunny days and I always want to be outside for them. Oooh where shall we go? Feel free to leave any suggestions below!
More resolving. For a girl who had no plans to make resolutions I seem to be doing a pretty good job of sneaking them in here and there. How are your resolutions going? Have you added in any new ones?
Friday, 26 February 2016
In the wars
We used to have a saying when I was little, that if you'd had a bad week of lots of falls and scrapes and bruises that you were 'in the wars'. I'm bringing that phrase back as I have most definitely been fighting. Mainly with inanimate objects like doors and lampshades, and I have the bruises to show for it.
It all started last Saturday. I woke up and couldn't move. My whole neck felt as if I was wearing some kind of upright brace and all across my shoulders, top of my back, and down to my shoulder blades was just one big massive ouch-y ache. I have no idea how I did this, could have been helping an old dear as she struggled to walk in a room, could have been from pushing a really heavy trolley at work, could have been from walking thehorse dog who weighs quite a lot and likes to pull on his lead, or maybe I just slept funny - who knows? However it might have happened, can we just say ouch and have done with it. Cue many tablets and creams and hot baths and shoulder rubs to try to alleviate it. It still hurts now. Boo!
The next thing I did was to trap my finger in a door. It started turning blue and I feared I had broken it, but I could move it okay and wasn't crying too much so I just soldiered on manfully. Said door was in a changing room to try on a couple of tops. In the process of trying the first top on I bashed the very same finger against the light fitting above my head. Owwwww, ouch, couple of sweary words, and a blooming heck for good measure. Oh, I bought the top by the way - finger nearly be broken be damned, there was some good vintage shopping to be done! The bruise is developing quite nicely and is now an attractive shade of brown/black/blue. I can still move it though so it can't be that serious...
I had high hopes that by the time I was 41 I would have grown out of my clumsy habit. As the above clearly demonstrates that is not the case. Clumsy Claire strikes again. And again. And again. And repeat until I am 92. Someone pass the smelly old lady cream, my back needs another rubbing...
It all started last Saturday. I woke up and couldn't move. My whole neck felt as if I was wearing some kind of upright brace and all across my shoulders, top of my back, and down to my shoulder blades was just one big massive ouch-y ache. I have no idea how I did this, could have been helping an old dear as she struggled to walk in a room, could have been from pushing a really heavy trolley at work, could have been from walking the
The next thing I did was to trap my finger in a door. It started turning blue and I feared I had broken it, but I could move it okay and wasn't crying too much so I just soldiered on manfully. Said door was in a changing room to try on a couple of tops. In the process of trying the first top on I bashed the very same finger against the light fitting above my head. Owwwww, ouch, couple of sweary words, and a blooming heck for good measure. Oh, I bought the top by the way - finger nearly be broken be damned, there was some good vintage shopping to be done! The bruise is developing quite nicely and is now an attractive shade of brown/black/blue. I can still move it though so it can't be that serious...
I had high hopes that by the time I was 41 I would have grown out of my clumsy habit. As the above clearly demonstrates that is not the case. Clumsy Claire strikes again. And again. And again. And repeat until I am 92. Someone pass the smelly old lady cream, my back needs another rubbing...
Friday, 19 February 2016
This life
I swear that the last time I looked it was Sunday, and now all of a sudden it's Friday and I have no idea how I've got here so fast. Where did five days go? Time just seems to be disappearing at the moment, swallowed up by all kinds of things and stuff, which seems like a good time for a work/life update.
Starting with work, because as always there is some good and some bad, well not bad, just not so good would be more accurate. The good is that I am still very much enjoying my libraryland job. There are many differences between academic and public libraries, one of the most obvious being that when people use a public library it is generally for the pleasure of reading and not because they really need that reservation that 75 other people are also waiting for. When you pass on that kind of information in a public library you're more often met with a wry chuckle, a shrug of the shoulders, and a 'oh well I'll just wait my turn' type of comment, which is so much nicer than someone bursting into tears on you and running off to the toilets to have a nervous breakdown. The stress levels are much reduced which is a most pleasant change. And shelving is an absolute delight - I have a massive pile of books on my bedside table now as I just can't resist taking that one...oh and that's been on my list for ages...and look, that recipe book looks like it will be full of tasty delights...if books were dangerous I'd be in serious trouble right about now...
With good however, always seems to come bad. The bad in this instance is that we didn't get the funding for the project I have been working on these past few months. The day we found out that news was pretty glum all round. All my plans of working the two part time jobs side by side were chucked out of the window by one measly letter. Ho hum, such is the life of fund-raising. I have a few hours left on my contract, and with that I've been able to do some really brilliant stuff like visiting a social group for blind and visually impaired people and chatting to them about what we do; and today I helped to run an art class for people with visual impairment which was all kinds of inspiring and fun. To say that I will miss that job is a massive understatement - it's the first time I have ever loved my work, and it's been inspiring and humbling and a pleasure and fascinating all at the same time. I've met some wonderful people and discovered some amazing things on the journey. It's this I am choosing to take away with me, rather than dwelling on the bad.
So in the meantime I am back to being a library assistant once again.
Except the library service is undergoing a review so who knows what will happen?
It certainly keeps life interesting...
...and busy. I like to fill my hours in when I'm not at work meeting up with friends so there's been lots of park walks, and coffee catch-ups, and general chitty-chatty times at houses, doing things that don't cost much money. Other than that it's been family time, and Dave time, and Bob time, and dog walks, and beautiful sunrises, and theatre stuff, and just general busy-ness. Life is pretty full, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Starting with work, because as always there is some good and some bad, well not bad, just not so good would be more accurate. The good is that I am still very much enjoying my libraryland job. There are many differences between academic and public libraries, one of the most obvious being that when people use a public library it is generally for the pleasure of reading and not because they really need that reservation that 75 other people are also waiting for. When you pass on that kind of information in a public library you're more often met with a wry chuckle, a shrug of the shoulders, and a 'oh well I'll just wait my turn' type of comment, which is so much nicer than someone bursting into tears on you and running off to the toilets to have a nervous breakdown. The stress levels are much reduced which is a most pleasant change. And shelving is an absolute delight - I have a massive pile of books on my bedside table now as I just can't resist taking that one...oh and that's been on my list for ages...and look, that recipe book looks like it will be full of tasty delights...if books were dangerous I'd be in serious trouble right about now...
With good however, always seems to come bad. The bad in this instance is that we didn't get the funding for the project I have been working on these past few months. The day we found out that news was pretty glum all round. All my plans of working the two part time jobs side by side were chucked out of the window by one measly letter. Ho hum, such is the life of fund-raising. I have a few hours left on my contract, and with that I've been able to do some really brilliant stuff like visiting a social group for blind and visually impaired people and chatting to them about what we do; and today I helped to run an art class for people with visual impairment which was all kinds of inspiring and fun. To say that I will miss that job is a massive understatement - it's the first time I have ever loved my work, and it's been inspiring and humbling and a pleasure and fascinating all at the same time. I've met some wonderful people and discovered some amazing things on the journey. It's this I am choosing to take away with me, rather than dwelling on the bad.
So in the meantime I am back to being a library assistant once again.
Except the library service is undergoing a review so who knows what will happen?
It certainly keeps life interesting...
...and busy. I like to fill my hours in when I'm not at work meeting up with friends so there's been lots of park walks, and coffee catch-ups, and general chitty-chatty times at houses, doing things that don't cost much money. Other than that it's been family time, and Dave time, and Bob time, and dog walks, and beautiful sunrises, and theatre stuff, and just general busy-ness. Life is pretty full, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Monday, 15 February 2016
Use it or lose it
When I made my not a new years resolution at the beginning of the year my main purpose was to get my finances sorted out. It's not had the best start, I will admit, mainly due to a slight disagreement with the tax man over me having two part time jobs (come on, I can't be the only one with this situation in the crazy world of zero hour contracts, however I digress) and losing a big bulk of my salary to said tax man (see? He is not a nice man at all). Petty arguments aside however, one thing I decided in pursuit of financial happiness was to use up everything I already have before buying new. As luck would have it, I had quite the stash. Which might of course explain the financial unhappiness in the first place, ahem...anyway, moving swiftly on, here's my progress report so far.
The losers: I've not had to lose to many things so far - maybe two. The first one was a teeny tiny eye cream, which I tried, and my eyes started watering and feeling slightly burny which is never a good thing, so that one went straight into the bin. I think the other one had slightly gone off, it definitely felt off anyway, so that one hit the bin too. So far, all the rest are proving to be enjoyable discoveries, and there is something hugely satisfying about reaching the end of a product and feeling accomplished. Yes! Used that one right up!
Lotions and Potions: I'm still using up some of my miniature products from the Christmas beauty extravaganza. I only cracked open my first full size shower gel at the beginning of this month, so the way I'm going, I think it will be around May before I need to buy any new stuff. Especially with the current Lush one that I am using which never seems to go down - bonus. It is alarmingly bright yellow though...plus I got even more for my birthday and my Ma gave me some of her Christmas stash too. It's like an endless supply!
Makeup: I firmly believe that most makeup lasts forever. Seriously, have you ever used up an entire lipstick? It's a challenge I have yet to accomplish. I have been known to hit pan before with a face powder but my current one is yet another everlasting one, or so it seems. With the extra goodies that came in the beauty advent calendar I think it will be a long while before I have to buy anything new in this department.
Clothes: this is a bit of a tricky category as sadly things will inevitably become battered looking or break and will need to be replaced. The philosophy here is similar to the use it or lose it, or more like wear it or lose it. I've been doing a big sort out of my wardrobe and am gradually eliminating pieces that don't feel like me anymore - where I have won out is that I haven't rushed out to replace it with something shiny and new. Instead I am only allowing myself to buy clothes as and when needed.
Like socks. I needed new socks. Necessary purchase therefore allowed to buy. I also had to replace one pair of pyjama bottoms, and I treated myself to a funky jumper in the sale that cost £7. To have reached almost the end of two months and only bought those clothing items is like some kind of miracle for me.
How am I feeling? Surprisingly chipper. I'm enjoying 'shopping my stash' as they call it on the internet, and I'm loving finding ways to wear the things I have in slightly different ways to introduce variety into my wardrobe. Don't get me wrong, it's not all plain sailing. I did some very drool-worthy moments whilst window shopping on Sunday and I can't help but sneak a few looks onto ASOS for my Style Inspo board on Pinterest, but the window shopping is where it's staying. I am super determined to make this right*, no matter what obstacles might be thrown in my way (I'm looking at you little brown booties with a hole in the sole!).
*unless I win the lottery**, in which case I'll be getting spendy, just because I can!
**this is unlikely to happen. Not just because of the ridiculous odds, but also because I rarely remember to buy a ticket...
I might do another update in a couple of months. Just to let you know how it's all going. I might even have had to buy a shower gel by then, how rude!
The losers: I've not had to lose to many things so far - maybe two. The first one was a teeny tiny eye cream, which I tried, and my eyes started watering and feeling slightly burny which is never a good thing, so that one went straight into the bin. I think the other one had slightly gone off, it definitely felt off anyway, so that one hit the bin too. So far, all the rest are proving to be enjoyable discoveries, and there is something hugely satisfying about reaching the end of a product and feeling accomplished. Yes! Used that one right up!
Lotions and Potions: I'm still using up some of my miniature products from the Christmas beauty extravaganza. I only cracked open my first full size shower gel at the beginning of this month, so the way I'm going, I think it will be around May before I need to buy any new stuff. Especially with the current Lush one that I am using which never seems to go down - bonus. It is alarmingly bright yellow though...plus I got even more for my birthday and my Ma gave me some of her Christmas stash too. It's like an endless supply!
Makeup: I firmly believe that most makeup lasts forever. Seriously, have you ever used up an entire lipstick? It's a challenge I have yet to accomplish. I have been known to hit pan before with a face powder but my current one is yet another everlasting one, or so it seems. With the extra goodies that came in the beauty advent calendar I think it will be a long while before I have to buy anything new in this department.
Clothes: this is a bit of a tricky category as sadly things will inevitably become battered looking or break and will need to be replaced. The philosophy here is similar to the use it or lose it, or more like wear it or lose it. I've been doing a big sort out of my wardrobe and am gradually eliminating pieces that don't feel like me anymore - where I have won out is that I haven't rushed out to replace it with something shiny and new. Instead I am only allowing myself to buy clothes as and when needed.
Like socks. I needed new socks. Necessary purchase therefore allowed to buy. I also had to replace one pair of pyjama bottoms, and I treated myself to a funky jumper in the sale that cost £7. To have reached almost the end of two months and only bought those clothing items is like some kind of miracle for me.
How am I feeling? Surprisingly chipper. I'm enjoying 'shopping my stash' as they call it on the internet, and I'm loving finding ways to wear the things I have in slightly different ways to introduce variety into my wardrobe. Don't get me wrong, it's not all plain sailing. I did some very drool-worthy moments whilst window shopping on Sunday and I can't help but sneak a few looks onto ASOS for my Style Inspo board on Pinterest, but the window shopping is where it's staying. I am super determined to make this right*, no matter what obstacles might be thrown in my way (I'm looking at you little brown booties with a hole in the sole!).
*unless I win the lottery**, in which case I'll be getting spendy, just because I can!
**this is unlikely to happen. Not just because of the ridiculous odds, but also because I rarely remember to buy a ticket...
I might do another update in a couple of months. Just to let you know how it's all going. I might even have had to buy a shower gel by then, how rude!
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